Why Three's Latest Advert Annoys The Living Crap Out of Me

Picture the scene ladies and gentle reader, there I was flicking through the channels one evening and during an advert break I hear the opening chimes of 'Alright' by East 17. Curiosity suitable piqued I watched the titular advert and after it finished threw my phone at the TV and yelled abuse at it for fifteen seconds. Here's the advert in question;

A Muppet walks through the streets depressed and has his umbrella torn to pieces by a dog whilst the opening chimes of 'Alright' play. Now walking through the rain a car splashes him in a puddle and he gets soaked by aforementioned rain. We then get a flashback to him leaving home where his father tells him 'make it right son.'

Whoa whoa whoa whoa!!!! Make what right? If he's wet walking about in the rain go into a cafe and have a cup of tea, go home, buy another umbrella DO NOT BUY A MOBILE PHONE! No doubt a sales man can give you a good text and minutes bundle but your still going to get wet!

He then raises his fist in a lane (don't worry its not THAT kind of an advert) and has the tempo speeds up declares 'ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT!' 

A little girl then drops her ice cream and starts crying, the Muppet walks up and instead of buying her another ice cream pats her on the back and tells her 'its gonna be alright.'

A cheer leader falls off her friends shoulders and instead of administering first aid or calling for an ambulance he goes on singing!

Then we get a couple in a car perched over a gorge in danger of falling over. Not only does the Muppet not help, not call for help but continues singing ON THE FUCKING BONNET! NOT ONLY IS HE NOT HELPING, NOT MAKING IT 'ALRIGHT,' HE'S IN DANGER OF BLOODY KILLING SOMEONE!

The finale is the Muppet singing 'Alright' in a crowd of people singing and dancing along with him. No mention is made of the couple he killed or if he's purchased another umbrella.

In all seriousness whoever came up with this advert needs their marketing degree stuffed up their backside, get demoted back to telesales and never let near the advertising industry again!

YOURS BLOOMING LIVID INNOCUOUS BYSTANDER

The Big Finish Catch Up: May 2015

For those of you new to this section of the blog, I started listening to the Big Finish Doctor Who releases when they started back in 1999, getting them as they were released up to mid 2002 and release No 33 Neverland. At that time I left Uni and due to being a bit busy with life and what not I only heard one or two releases over the next few years. I started getting back into them around 2008 and was 6 years behind at that point. Due to wondering off into the Lost Doctor range and a relaxed listening pace I fell further behind. In order to catch up I'm listening to two releases a month (or more when its a 60 min single disc release, plus without seeing the cover or knowing anything about the story) and my mission to catch up continues;

We start off this month in the main range with The 8th Doctor, Charley and C'rizz. This is a fantastic story with a first episode rather reminiscent of "The Space Museum" and has a rather unique feeling to the production. Its very much a moody and what I'd refer to as a "plot" story, thankfully its one that doesn't dip off when answers are revealed and rewards the listener when we get to the end. On finishing I was pleased to see Steve Lyons was the writer as despite being one of my favourite authors I hadn't really enjoyed an audio as much as others until "Blood of the Daleks." I found this a more instant story, intriguing, multi layered and after a first listen I gladly give it 9/10. Of note it was nice to hear Tracey Childs (who also appeared in one of Lyons earlier plays) among the guest cast.

Also on listening a few things here and there raised my suspicions and on the reading the writers notes in the sleeve they were confirmed: this story is inspired by working in a (bank) call centre. Characters disappearing from the story are obviously workers released without warning, Vannet and Revnon virtually spend the whole play worried about idle time, Kestorian is the team leader whose powers only go so far and while ruling over entry level staff is powerless in the face of the managers, Zanith is the guy who nobody is sure exactly what he does and seems to have found a hole for himself without actually doing anything and The Figurehead is the Call Centre Manager. On top of that there are a few little nods like workers moving to a different floor or site and never seeing their colleagues again. All together its a wonderfully dark take on a seemingly every day practise which Doctor Who has a track record of doing very well.

Next up is the 6th Doctor and Mel in a release featuring two stories "The Wishing Beast" being a three part story followed by the one part "The Vanity Box." I'd actually heard this before having got it on discount about five or six years ago and decided not to include it in the catch up as a long time had gone by without me hearing it. Paul Magrs is the writer and it feels like Magrs by numbers, one of the memories from my first listen was working out who the writer was very early on. Sadly its not one of Magrs better stories, its lacking a bit of oomph and despite being a three instead of a four part story "The Wishing Beast" feels padded. "The Vanity Box" is by far the more fun story and a good little piece of fluff. I try very hard not to slip into fan producer but this is a release crying out to be fixed, both stories feel lightly sketched out and the earlier story definitely needs some bite added. I'm tempted to suggest make both stories two parts but I don't think it would improve "Vanity Box." Oh and Jean Marsh plays a very good mad sister but this story comes down to the format and it lets the release down. In short rather decent if unsatisfactory and needed another edit before it was recorded.

The DVD Archives: Blakes 7 Season 2

So ladies and gentle readers, after finishing off season 1 off Blakes 7 I've finally got around to season 2 and here's my thoughts episode by episode:


Redemption

Continuing the tradition of the first season this first episode is completely a-typical, its also very hard scifi. Without many guest characters the Liberator crew are brought to the forefront and for much of the episode they are in a situation which is beyond them. The cliffhanger to the previous season is dealt with nicely and its a good solid episode (albeit with little plot) that is raised by the quality of the regulars. 9/10


Shadow

We're back to having a plot this week centred around Blake trying to recruit a criminal organisation as allies. Added to this the titular drug the organisation is dealing in and rather good subplot featuring Cally and Orac it continues the rather good start to the season. 9/10


Weapon

A very interesting episode bringing back Servalan and a recast Travis. Its very Liberator lite and I think it would be improved by removing every scene set on the Liberator and centering firmly on the villains. 5/10


Horizon

Everything good about this episode can be summed up in one word, one name and one character; Avon. The rest is very pedestrian. 5/10


Pressure Point

Ooooh, the first death of a regular. Its fairly obvious something is going to happen to Gan as David Jackson actually looks interested. Good episode though and Blake is looking more desperate and vulnerable to Avon by the end of it. 6/10


Trial

Its good that Blakes 7 isn't the kind of show where someone dies and it gets skirted over. The Liberator crew are upset and I genuinely buy that they could have walked out on Blake. All in all a very good dual story episode. 7/10


Killer

I do enjoy this episode, Blakes 7 doing what it does best within its means giving us a cracking episode with a few twists. Avon blackmailing his way into somewhere to steal something and Blake trying to save innocents while knowing they're loyal to the enemy. Its like a coda for the show. 10/10


Hostage

More fun with Blake and Avon but the rest of the episode is rather uninteresting. 3/10


Countdown

Another rather fun episode with a good solid plot and a good slice of action. We also find out a bit more about Avon's past and he's not a complete ruthless so and so. I'm a sucker for anything with a good tense countdown on it. 10/10


Voice From the Past

Absolute muck. 0/10


Gambit

I really like the idea of this episode but the script is to far beyond the means of the production. It feels like a series of unconnected scenes with very little pay off and none of them get the amount of time they deserve. 5/10


The Keeper

It tries to be good camp fun bollocks but it falls rather short and feels like the cast larking about forgetting the viewers would like some fun as well. 3/10


Star One

Has a good end of season feel about it and has big things happening affecting the status-quo of the the series and theres a feeling that at the end of the episode the series has permanently changed. All through the season theres been the plot line of can Blake and Avon trust each other which ends rather sweetly with Blake being taken to the sick bay with Avon taking temporary command of the ship as the series ends on a rather good cliff hanger. Really good stuff. 8/10


Overall View

I highly recommended this DVD, theres a view duff episodes but overall its rather good with a good ongoing story memorable characters and good snappy dialogue. The Blake / Avon rivalry feels like something out of Dallas and makes the show even more watchable. It is of its time and at the time had a limited budget but if you know that going in it wont detract from the show. 7/10

The Big Finish Catch Up: April 2015

For those of you new to this section of the blog, I started listening to the Big Finish Doctor Who releases when they started back in 1999, getting them as they were released up to mid 2002 and release No 33 Neverland. At that time I left Uni and due to being a bit busy with life and what not I only heard one or two releases over the next few years. I started getting back into them around 2008 and was 6 years behind at that point. Due to wondering off into the Lost Doctor range and a relaxed listening pace I fell further behind. In order to catch up I'm listening to two releases a month (or more when its a 60 min single disc release, plus without seeing the cover or knowing anything about the story) and my mission to catch up continues;

We wonder back into the Lost Story range with The Guardians of Prophecy featuring the 6th Doctor and Peri. A rather fun romp that gets exciting and tense in certain parts. Written by Johnny Byrne who wrote The Keeper of Traken (and adapted by Jonathan Morris) this story also features The Melkur and Traken Union. Theres a lot to enjoy in this story and there is little connecting this to The Keeper of Traken and can be enjoyed on its own merits. Of note is a good guest cast including Graham Cole (I spent the entire story trying to recognise his voice), Stephen Thorne (who played Omega, Azal and Eldrad in the TV series) and Simon Williams of Upstairs/Downstairs fame and Remembrance of the Daleks. Never less than enjoyable and at times attention grabbing its a firm recommendation from me.

The second story this month is The Settling featuring the 7th Doctor, Ace and Hex played by Sylvester McCoy, Sophie Aldred and Philip Olivier. Written by Simon Guerrier and takes place during Cromwell's campaign in Ireland. I can't really review this sadly for one reason, as often said in this section of the blog I listen to these stories knowing nothing about them picking them off the top of a pile and playing the discs. However when I pulled this story off the top of the pile I could feel that it was different and that it had three discs. I assumed it was going to be like Zagreus and The Next Life in that it was going to be longer than the usual stories. As such I'm listening to the story looking for subtle clues (which weren't there) as to where the story could spin off and all of a sudden when I was expecting a cliff hanger the story ended when I was braced for another hour. The 3rd disc was actually a promo disc for Big Finishes other ranges. I'm going to have to put this under the category "give it another listen" although what I heard was very good technically I don't think its fair to review the story. Clive Mantle was in top form and I like that they put Hex centre stage for this story. 

Thoughts going into the General Election

It can't have escaped your attention ladies and gentle readers that we're on the verge of another General Election here in the UK. After five or so years of the Conservative and Liberal Democrats coalition running the country its time for us all to cast our votes and decide who we want for the next five years. I'll be honest, I'm rather disillusioned going into this election and thought I put my thoughts on the parties vying for my vote down on the blog;

Conservatives

I don't trust them, they are weak have no empathy and appear to not understand the country they represent. I grew up in the 80's and my earliest political memories are my parents struggling to make ends meet during Thatchers reign. The country is in a mess, David Cameron is a puppet leader and is incapable of original thought, reads endless spin that is put in front of him by marketing people. More importantly they have no plan and appear to be in denial about the state of the country.


Greens

I've ummed and arred about voting Green for the past three years, for every policy they come up with I like they come up with another that's bat shit crazy.


Labour

For the last few years in Gordon Browns premiership they were awful and they've under performed in opposition against a weak coalition. I don't trust this generation of Labour MP's and bar about 30% I think they are as inept as the Tories. Also living in a safe Labour area I think my MP has under performed and Aberavon has suffered, it feels like it could be time to change my vote.


Liberal Democrats

They are now untrustable, they have failed to moderate the Tories and have become enablers. Everything they've come out with the last few weeks seems to be ignoring the last five years and I seriously think they could lose a lot of seats.


Plaid Cymru

I have no interest in Wales going it alone and don't even consider Plaid a Welsh party, rather a North Welsh party.


UK Independence Party

A bunch of Tory extremists who have few if any policies I'm interested in, say nothing to me and have failed to represent the UK at MEP level.


So there you have it, my thoughts in brief and I'm rather undecided about where to cast my vote.

The Big Finish Catch Up: March 2015

For those of you new to this section of the blog, I started getting the Big Finish Doctor Who releases when they started back in 1999, getting them as they were released up to mid 2002 and release No 33 Neverland. At that time I left Uni and due to being a bit busy with life and what not I only heard one or two releases over the next few years. I started getting back into them around 2008 and was 6 years behind at that point. Due to wondering off into the Lost Doctor range and a relaxed listening pace I fell further behind. In order to catch up I'm listening to two releases a month (or more when its a 60 min single disc release, plus without seeing the cover or knowing anything about the story) and my mission to catch up continues;

Its back into the 8th Doctor range with the 8th Doctor and Lucie with Immortal Beloved. Of note is an appearance by Ian McNeice who would go onto play Winston Churchill on the TV series, apart from this I'm struggling to think of anything to say - its all very forgettable. I think this story suffers from the single episode format. It feels like theres a central idea to this story but apart from a rather good set piece at the start and some half glimpses we don't see a lot of what is a very interesting setting. On top of that the pacing is a bit off the story moves along nicely and then stops. I'm left feeling rather indifferent, theres a lot to lure the listener in and very little to fault however I'm left with a feeling of ambivalence.

Next up in the range for the 8th Doctor and Lucie is Phobos. Rather like the previous story this is also a single parter with a lot on going on and its paced and played brilliantly. On the cast front we have TV stalwart Timothy West and former Liver bird Nerys Hughes (also of note played Todd in highly acclaimed Peter Davison era story Kinda). Various members of the guest have their own story lines going on and as a result the characters feel very rich, we'll probably never hear of these characters again yet I feel more for them than some recurring characters. Set on Phobos the moon of Mars the story is set in and around an artificial dome taken over by squatters and has become an extreme sports haven, also homing a share of various hippies and people wanting to disappear. This is a story I strongly recommend, there are various set pieces through out the story, lovely character scenes and possibly the best set up gag at the end I've heard in ages.

Over to the main range as we go further into 2006 with the 5th Doctor, Peri and Erimem in The Kingmaker. I have to be honest when I was taking the wrapping off I caught a glimpse of the robot on the cover and thought it was the one in the background in 'The Celestial Toymaker' fortunately he's nowhere to be found in this story. I'd like to paint the scene when I listen to these audios I lay down and let the story wash over me with my imagination providing visuals. All the way through this I found myself getting up to press rewind so I could re listen to a joke, a cracking piece of dialogue or double check a plot point - this rarely happens I was completely drawn in and hooked. Arthur Smith has one of my favourite voices so it was lovely to hear him as well as Jon Culshaw of the late 90's Radio 1 afternoon show doing some acting as well as a Tom Baker impression. This is the third story I've heard by Nev Fountain and he's become a favourite, I must gloat I worked out the cliff hanger in part three but nothing else. 'Omega' and 'The Revolution' are also puzzle stories its a brilliant aspect of all of his stories. Not only do I recommend this story I find myself placing it a firm favourite not only in this range but Doctor Who's entire cannon, it may battle a certain long standing story as one of my favourites. 

That's it for March but a bit of admin regarding the next entries in this section, I've noticed that 'The Kingmaker' was release number 81. Anyone looking forward to 'The Reaping' and 'The Gathering' I've already heard them (due to them being on offer) certainly 'Gathering' was done before I started doing these blogs 'Reaping' may be in an earlier entry although I'm pretty sure I reached it just before I started. Theres one or two other ones I've heard out of order but I'll mention them when we get to them.

The Trial of a Time Lord

After the deaths of Jane Baker and Lynda Bellingham I decided to give the story that made up season 23 a re-watch. Its a story (and a season) that over the years has left me rather conflicted so I decided to put together this blog entry as I give it another viewing and try to get my head around it.

First of all a bit of history about this season, after the previous season the show was put on hiatus - eventually coming back 18 months later. Largely the hiatus ending was down to public pressure and came with a few caveats such as the show going back to 25 minute episodes, it was to be less gory with more emphasis on humour and would be cut down to 14 episodes. The episode cut meant that the stories originally planned for this season were abandoned. As a result producer John Nathan-Turner and script editor Eric Saward had to come up with something new. Essentially after this 18 month break the show was on trial and thanks to an idea by Sawards secretary they came up with a theme for the season "The Trial of a Time Lord."

Rather like "A Christmas Carol" the season would cover "past, present and future." Colin Baker would be returning as the 6th Doctor along with companion Peri played by Nicola Bryant who would bow out mid season to be followed by Mel played by Bonnie Langford. Also the "trial" element would create the season long regular characters of the Valeyard and Inquisitor who would be played by Michael Jayston and Lynda Bellingham.

The Mysterious Planet

Here's my notes from watching the first four episodes;

• 'Am I late for something?' Robert Holmes is clearly having fun with the script.
• I have a fondness for the opening 'evidence' shot as The Doctor and Peri's friendship has clearly grown.
• I always giggle when I hear 'UK Habitats of the Canadian Goose.' 
• Tony Selby is very watchable in everything he does.
• I do like Dratho, a very good robot.
• Lots of very good dialogue and I like the set up of the mystery.

All in all I find the opening section enjoyable and watchable, its not the modern day crash bang wallop season opener but it does what it does well. That opening model shot is a thing of beauty, things settle down into essentially what is the court room watching a few episodes of Doctor Who and it moves along lovely. At this stage script wise it feels like we're going somewhere, Robert Holmes has written a lovely little tale and Sawards set things up for the rest of the season. Even producer JNT has worked wonders bring in Tony Selby whose been in everything over the years, a Carry On star in Joan Sims and casted season regulars Lynda Bellingham and Michael Jayston. All in all a rather fun off the cuff start.

Mindwarp

I have a strange relationship with this story, its the only 6th Doctor story target novelisation I've read and I left it feeling frustrated due to Peri's fate and not really being able to follow the trial aspects of the story. 

• Brian Blessed is brilliant, I can happily watch him in anything - well done getting him JNT.
• Crozier is a fantastic character, he's not a villain he's just doing his job for his own purposes.
• I like Sil and the Mentors.
• Its good that Sil comes back, it helps build Colin's time as an era to have a recurring villain who debuted during the 6th Doctors era.
• The surface of Thoros Beta maybe the most 80's planet in Doctor Who history.
• Of note even if The Doctor hadn't have been taken out of time he wouldn't have been in time to stop the mind swap, weather he'd have saved Peri is another matter.
• Possibly the best use of Colin's acting style, he's able to tip the audience visually when The Doctor is returning to normal in subtle stage ways.

I find this story muddled, the trial aspect is plugging away nicely but the 'evidence' doesn't seem to have a connection to the previous story, nothing set up in the opening four episodes is touched on. On top of that the story feels muddled, on one hand we have a story about death, torture and mind swaps then on the other hand we have Brian Blessed romping around corridors with the Mentors swapping corporate one liners. It doesn't feel like it knows what it wants to be. On top of that there are jumbled aspects of the story that I'll come back to later.

Terror of the Vervoids

I have to confess this is my favourite part of the season;

• Well done JNT, Honor Blackman and Malcolm Tierney.
• Agatha Christie in space, whats not to like?
• Mel has a strong start.
• The cliffhanger to part 2 is fantastic.
• (Think innocent thoughts when the Vervoids are on screen)

The trial aspect is a bit odd in this story, The Doctors defence seems to be 'look how good I am at saving people.' Again the stuff set up in the opening section isn't touched upon however it seems we're moving on to a new development about the matrix being corrupted. I do love whodunits and the actual 'evidence' section is rather fun, also Pip and Jane are actually doing a bit more integrating the trial and evidence together. Mel's introduction is original, rather like a prototype River Song albeit in this case meeting her after she's met the Doctor. The strongest story of the 'evidence' provided in this season, everyone is there for a reason and the killers identity isn't as foreshadowed as had previously been attempted on the show.

The Ultimate Foe

The finale of the season, sadly Robert Holmes would pass away during the writing. As far as I'm aware Holmes wrote a draft outline for the first episode which was tidied up by Saward who then wrote a second episode based on Holmes plot line. JNT wasn't happy about the ending and Saward refused to change it, this resulted in the second episode being written by Pip and Jane Baker whilst legally not being allowed to know the contents of Sawards rejected episode. All understood? Good;  

• Very nice to have Glitz back, I do like his double dealing.
• Anthony Ainley is brilliant as always.
• Shame Lynda Bellingham never makes it off the trial set.
• Mel's time line confused me as a child but I've virtually decided The Doctor is taking her back to his future self.
• I do rather enjoy the Matrix scenes, I'd have loved another go at Deadly Assassin episode 3 for a full episode.

In many ways this is the prototype for the modern day season finale, characters from previous episodes in the season coming back, plot points brought up earlier are explained, a season regular is revealed to have an ulterior motive and the stakes are elevated. I have a fondness for episode 13 and maintain its a good one however episode 14 feels unsatisfactory, I like what we get but I want more for the culmination of 14 episodes. Its a good little story if you view it in isolation however I haven't and I come away from the final episode feeling frustrated.

My Personal Bugbears

I have a number of issues with Trial and they can be summed up in two words; Eric Saward. I will say I like and rate highly most of his stories however as a script editor (in Colin's era) I think he's found wanting. On top of that on a personal level, whenever I've heard or read his comments about anything there's one thing that comes up over and over again: whenever something goes wrong its always somebody else's fault. Either Colin, JNT, writers needing to much script editing (?!?!) and casting decisions which he doesn't understand. With regards to 'Trial' the trial aspect isn't even his idea, its his secretaries which he goes with as he has nothing else. An anecdote that pops up a lot is Colin reading the Mindwarp script and having no idea if The Doctor is feigning villainy or if the Matrix is lying. Understandably he asks Saward who replies 'I don't know,' now its worrying enough that as the script editor he didn't know but what is just plain unprofessional is he doesn't ask the writer and then get back to Colin. On top of that we have the structural niggles such as a mystery being set up in the first four episodes that isn't touched upon until the final two parts.  

Four or One?

I want to address one aspect of trial, is it one story or four? I can't give you a definitive answer but I can give you my answer. As a child up until about my early twenties I viewed it as four stories, it had four different production blocks, four VHS's, four target novelisations and when I saw it on UK Gold for the first time it was spread over four weeks so it was four stories. However since I've owned the DVD I've never watched a segment of the trial in isolation, when I've dug the DVD out I've watched it over a few months as one story. So I find myself in the one story camp yet I find myself slightly infuriated with myself that I'm in this camp.

The DVD

When I bought the DVD I remember looking forward to seeing the evidence segments in isolation as three different stories. When I got the DVD I felt disappointed that this wasn't a feature and no one had thought to do an edit of the evidence into three little stories, if theres ever a reissue this must be done - or otherwise I shall sulk.

Most fans will be aware of the high quality commentaries on Who DVD's and that's no difference here. In fact Mindwarp is a must as the writer Philip Martin finally gives Colin Baker an answer to the question mentioned above. Its a fairly interesting one that actually makes sense even if it isn't spelt out on screen.

A Companion Piece

I often let lose a squee as Peri appears on screen in Mysterious Planet, her relationship with The Doctor has grown and it feels like we're visiting old friends. Nicola Bryant gets a good leaving scene (albeit ruined later) and its clear to see she enjoys it - a good extra on the DVD is her finally seeing the reset at the end and she's not happy. Mel played by Bonnie Langford follows her in the never ending line of companions and she's lots of fun - more plucky than Peri and makes a good impact. As far as I'm aware her origin story was meant to happen the following year but the change in lead actor threw a spanner in the works. A real oddity and as said earlier a nod to the slightly non linear way Doctor Who would go in the future.

Colin

The 6th Doctor has changed since his previous story, Colin's got his debut season behind him and has a bit more experience in the role now and it tells. Sixy is still boisterous and an absolute nuisance at time in the court room - understandably so but its during the evidence and when he gets out of the court room that we see this. I see a sixth Doctor that has been developed - being put through the wringer and coming out the other end smiling. I think Colin did enough to save his job and any niggles in Trial are not down to him, in order to move forward I think Saward leaving the production team was enough and as enjoyable as I've found most of the Trial I always come away feeling Colin was harshly treated.