Why Three's Latest Advert Annoys The Living Crap Out of Me

Picture the scene ladies and gentle reader, there I was flicking through the channels one evening and during an advert break I hear the opening chimes of 'Alright' by East 17. Curiosity suitable piqued I watched the titular advert and after it finished threw my phone at the TV and yelled abuse at it for fifteen seconds. Here's the advert in question;

A Muppet walks through the streets depressed and has his umbrella torn to pieces by a dog whilst the opening chimes of 'Alright' play. Now walking through the rain a car splashes him in a puddle and he gets soaked by aforementioned rain. We then get a flashback to him leaving home where his father tells him 'make it right son.'

Whoa whoa whoa whoa!!!! Make what right? If he's wet walking about in the rain go into a cafe and have a cup of tea, go home, buy another umbrella DO NOT BUY A MOBILE PHONE! No doubt a sales man can give you a good text and minutes bundle but your still going to get wet!

He then raises his fist in a lane (don't worry its not THAT kind of an advert) and has the tempo speeds up declares 'ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT!' 

A little girl then drops her ice cream and starts crying, the Muppet walks up and instead of buying her another ice cream pats her on the back and tells her 'its gonna be alright.'

A cheer leader falls off her friends shoulders and instead of administering first aid or calling for an ambulance he goes on singing!

Then we get a couple in a car perched over a gorge in danger of falling over. Not only does the Muppet not help, not call for help but continues singing ON THE FUCKING BONNET! NOT ONLY IS HE NOT HELPING, NOT MAKING IT 'ALRIGHT,' HE'S IN DANGER OF BLOODY KILLING SOMEONE!

The finale is the Muppet singing 'Alright' in a crowd of people singing and dancing along with him. No mention is made of the couple he killed or if he's purchased another umbrella.

In all seriousness whoever came up with this advert needs their marketing degree stuffed up their backside, get demoted back to telesales and never let near the advertising industry again!

YOURS BLOOMING LIVID INNOCUOUS BYSTANDER

John Lewis Christmas Advert

Halloween has been and gone, Bonfire Night has finished in a blaze of fireworks, so whats next?

Oh yes Christmas, which means Christmas films on Ch5 two months before it starts and shops kick starting their marketing drive with adverts. Speaking of which here's the John Lewis one:

What the fuck was that supposed to be? It was bad enough when The Beatles with an A had a go at ruining Real Love, can't we just let the classics rest in peace and come up with new songs? Excuse me while I take this advert apart bit by bit.

1. You can't have a penguin on a trampoline! That's for kangaroos and bunny's.

2. You stick a penguin in with a seagull and flock of pigeons you don't get a cute moment you get a fight, multiple deaths and the RSPCA on your ass.

3. Penguins can't play football, water polo yes but not football.

4. Your saying this little boy came up with an imaginary friend who is on heat 24/7? Where was this plot development in the pigeon and seagull scene?

5. You can't take a pet on a bus that isn't on a lead without incurring a fine.

6. If he has a toy penguin his parents aren't going to get him another, as a kid my parents wouldn't let me have the Transformer Sideswipe because he was the same as Red Alert who I already had. See below pictures of aforementioned Transformers:

Parents getting two of the same toys doesn't happen!

7. So essentially what your saying is instead of getting good presents get kids anything because they have imagination?

8. This doesn't make me want to shop at John Lewis, this makes me want to not shop at John Lewis and spend the day listening to The Beatles with an A's anthology collection.

So ladies and gentle readers what have we learnt from this blog apart from the fact my parents were tight? I'll tell you what, absolutely bloody nothing.