The Amazon.com Chronicles (Part 1)

Regular readers of this blog will be aware that over the last few years I have been working for the Internet retailer Amazon.com. I say "work" but I use the term loosely its far more accurate to say I have had the piss taken out of me by Amazon and the various agencies who have employed me. It looks as though my time at Amazon has finally come to an end and my overwhelming feelings are relief and disappointment that four years of my professional life have been wasted.

I started at Amazon in October 2010, my career had gone into a few dead ends and I was anxious to kick start it and a world wide company like Amazon looked as good a place as any. A day examining the company and career section of its website showed it had openings in areas I was experienced in and they were doing things I'd like to do. My aim was to get in the door and start applying for jobs of which I had experience to work myself back up the career ladder.

I applied for a job at Amazons Fulfilment Centre in Swansea via an agency called Quest Recruitment. I did the required drugs and aptitude test and a week later they called back offering me the position of a picker. My job would be to collect items that customers had ordered via the website. Each team had an area manager (strangely mine was a temp) and some team leaders, there were also site reps on site to represent you on behalf of the agencies. I informed the area manager and site reps that I would like to be kept aware of any job opportunities on site as I was hoping to use this job as a stepping stone. Every week the site rep would come around with each persons score and give you a form with your stats on. Mine were quite good, often between 100% and 110% dipping down as low as 85% sometimes when there wasn't much work or I was injured. For those of you who can't remember winter 2010 was quite a cold one and at one point in South Wales public transport went down and I had to walk to work, during which I slipped and fell down the footbridge going over the roundabout just before Briton Ferry bridge and did my knee in. I was still able to complete my shift and fulfil my contracted hours.

One day I was going along doing a batch of orders in the pick tower and a chap walks up and stops me. He says he's an operations manager and my area manager has just informed in that my poor scores were bringing his teams scores down and that I should pull my finger out if I didn't want to be sacked at the end of the day. I informed him that my scores were over target for this and the previous few weeks and he walked off. I had a word with my site rep and said if my area manager was going to senior management telling them I had poor scores I wanted him reported to HR. (I couldn't go to HR as HR "do not handle temps") Then the following week I was called back to the pick desk with 10 other people for the area manager to give us a "pep talk." He gave everyone their score except me and us we had to improve, I asked for my score and he said 97%. Out of everyone else in that group the highest score anyone else had was 46%. I then asked why I was included in this group and his reply was "you all started at the same time and as a group are low scoring trouble makers." I immediately told the site rep to sort this guy out.

Anyway around this time the Christmas period ended and we moved into January, also the work started to dry up and lay offs happened. In the first week of January everyone else in that "pep talk" group was laid off and we were regularly sent home after 15 minutes of work (shifts rotated weekly between starting at 6AM or 2PM). On the 17th of January I was called down to the pick desk, the area manager told me when I arrived that I was being taken on as a permanent associate and congratulated me. I was well chuffed, I thought to myself "that's stage one dealt with lets get onto stage two and hopefully get my career back on track". A few hours later I had another message on my gun, with half an hour on the shift to go I was called back to the pick desk. The area manager had gone and all that was there was a team lead and cart runner. The team lead took my gun off me and said I was to wait in the drop zone for everyone else, I asked the cart runner what was happening and he said "your going to see HR." I thought, blimey that's quick, I'm going to be signing the forms and transferred from Quest to Amazon before the end of the shift. Myself and a few others then went up to a room in HR where we met some others from other departments. A HR officer then walked in and informed us we were being laid off as the early months of they year were traditionally quiet and the Christmas peak rush was over.

Needless to say I was pissed off, I informed them I had been told three hours previously I was being made permanent. The HR officer said I must have misunderstood what my area manager had told me, I informed her that I had been using the English language since moving on from baby talk and demanded to make an official complaint about my area manager and for him to be sacked. She said she couldn't do anything and that I should handle this via my Agency, now at this point I should say every other agency bar mine was present and as we were being made to clear our lockers and leave I had no way of getting to the agency desk on the Fulfilment Centre floor. The next day visited the Quest Recruitment Swansea branch, they said they couldn't do anything about my area manager as technically I wasn't an active associate on the Amazon contract anymore, however I did opt to put my name on the rehire list for when things started getting busy on the site.

If you'll indulge me ladies and gentle readers I'm now going to fiddle with the narrative. I would come back later in the year and the area manager not only was still there but had now been made permanent. I was told I couldn't make a formal complaint as six months had gone by. However the area manager (one Andrew Evans) wouldn't last long, it turned out his agency and Amazon hadn't performed a thorough background search on him and out of the blue Amazon would get a call from a newspaper asking about this:

http://www.southwales-eveningpost.co.uk/Dodgy-family-firms-preyed-customers/story-16819547-detail/story.html

It turns out that Andrew Evans had neglected to inform his employer that he had been done for fraud. Now I'm often one to give people the benefit of the doubt but I have to ask how a vindictive sicko who had tried to con vulnerable pensioners out of their savings can be put into a supervisory position without a background check being performed. Needless to say many complaints from temps had been made against him but they were all fobbed off. However when finding out about the above court case he was thrown out so fast his feet never touched the ground.

Well that's the story of my first stint with Amazon, I'll cover the rest of my time there at a later date.

The Big Finish Catch Up: August 2014

For anyone new to this part of the blog, I'm quite a big Doctor Who fan who also listens to the audios produced by Big Finish. I used to listen to them as they were released but over the years I've fallen behind to the extent where a few months ago I realised I was a decade behind. This part of the blog is where I review Big Finish releases (some recent some from yesteryear) that I have recently heard. Anyway last month I listened to...

The 10th Doctors entry into the Destiny of the Doctor range features Catherine Tate reading a story penned by Darren Jones. On a production front Catherine does an excellent job of recreating Donna Noble and does a very good 10th Doctor. However the story she's reading isn't up to much, I've virtually forgotten most of it when I come to write this up, bar from a tense scene with a worm it just isn't up to much. It just isn't an audio book, it feels like it was written for a two disc full cast audio release then edited to death and chopped down for the audio book format. In short in a series that has had some unexpectedly high quality releases this is disappointing.

As I've constantly said this section of the blog is me trying to catch up with Big Finishes releases, however sometimes I'll hear about a release that tempts me to jump ahead. This new box set of Bernice Summerfield stories featuring the virgin new adventures team of the 7th Doctor and Ace is one of them. To round them up to the two hour releases I'm familiar with I listened to "The Revolution" and "Goodnight Sweet Ladies." The first story is one of the best comedies Big Finish have produced with a cracking little plot that had me laughing through the whole thing. The second story is a highly emotional story that shows the dexterity of Benny with a more traditional tale for the archaeologist. At the half way point I highly recommend this box set, there is a running plot that links the stories but thankfully it doesn't dominate the stories.

The Song of the Megaptera is part of the lost story range and a story that was in contention to make it onto the screen during the Colin Baker era. The strength of this range is that it has taken stories that have become legend in fandom and given us some cracking stories of which this is one. This is a fantastic little story and would have been a cracker on TV, although it would have blown the budget. Like "The Revolution" we have a cracking plot, a swift pace and some funny characters. When a lost story works you come away wishing it could have made in on screen as a part of the TV series, theres a picture on the inside of this cover that really makes me wish it could have. In short if you can only afford to buy one or two stories from this range make this one a contender.

Debt

Today I wrote the biggest cheque I had written in years, it was to a company called Robinson Way Ltd and was the final payment of a credit card debt that got out of control in early 00's. Over the years I've had this debt I have gone through gaps in employment, periods on benefit yet never missed a payment. Despite that this collections agency and many like it have acted like complete and utter shits. They have made threats to try and make me up monthly payment accounts, bombarded me with phone calls to try and make me pay by direct debit and sent collection agents (who have left with a flea in their ear) to my house despite the fact I have never missed a payment.

My life now goes on without this company anywhere near it, they have been unable to put late payments on my credit file or adversely affect me since the debt became more than 7 years old. Anyone else currently dealing with a collections agency over a debt that got out of control I'd like to say, keep your head, be firm about the amount you can pay, keep the monthly payments up and never give them access to your bank account. But most importantly insist you will only communicate with them via email, there is no place in the modern world for "account executives" sitting in a call centre calling people who are financially struggling to extort more money out of them.

If you get through it trust me, the feeling of relief is immense.

TV Preview: The Doctor Who Season Opener

Its another blog exclusive this week as I've managed to get my hands on a preview copy of Peter Capaldi's first full appearance as The Doctor as The Twelveteenth Doctors era begins.

Weird shit is happening big time in this episode, Who fans have long become accustomed to the production team going on about a bold new direction for the show for decades. Occasionally we have had huge changes  but by and large the production team rarely change a winning format. Brace yourselves ladies and gentle readers as this time The Moff has thrown the format threw a shredder and come up with something maybe not bolder but more expected.

Things get off to an unexpected start, The Doctor who seems to be suffering from post regenerative trauma decides to take Clara to 1960's Glasgow for an all day piss up as he feels it will take more than tea to get over this regeneration.

We get what can best be described as the deepest most thought provoking monologue from The Doctor since William Hartnells monologue about losing companions. Peter Capaldi slurs his way through extended scenes as he attempted to out drink Big Harry Trowbridge. The most striking change from the recent past is when a drunk tries to attract Clara attention through some uncomfortable means Capaldi greets him with a Glasgow Kiss and the one liner "No hanky-panky on my watch."

After returning to the TARDIS an inebriated Doctor decides to take the TARDIS to 00's Great Britain so he can give David Cameron and Nick Clegg a good shouting at.

I don't want to give to much away but I'll certainly say theres more swearing in the Downing Street scenes than the Aliens of London two parter scenes. Keep your eyes peeled for an original use of the sonic screw driver in these scenes.

After the action things settle down for the rest of the episode which is mostly taken up by what promises to be an ongoing feature in this season "nap time with The Doctor."

We end the episode with The Doctor telling Clara that when he was younger this place was full of giant size pepper pots and telling her everything that her generation has done wrong. We end with The Doctor turning to the camera and telling the viewer not to worry because he's going to beat up some Dalek's and Cybermen next week.

All things considered this is a rather unexpected direction for the show to take but in this bloggers opinion first episodes aren't the best way to judge an era. Lets enjoy the rest of the season and see what happens...

Taken 3

To those of you who haven't noticed one of the top hit film series of recent years has been the Taken series. In these films various members of Liam Neesons family are kidnapped and he spends the rest of the film in a desperate race against time to rescue them. As of the recent film Liam Neeson has run out of family members that need rescuing and doesn't see a future for the series.

Thankfully I have a solution and have prepared the following movie pitch for Taken 3:

Liam Neeson has retired from the security and celebrity protection game and has moved to suburban London. He spends his days down the local pub and feeding the ducks in the local park. He becomes fixed in a routine and is favourite park of the week is bin night where he puts his wheelie bin out to be collected by the council the following morning.

 One afternoon he returns from the pub to find the council have replaced his wheelie bin with a newer thinner model that doesn't contain as much rubbish. After making a phone call to Boris Johnson he threatens to hunt him down and kill him if he doesn't return his wheelie bin. The rest of the film is a race against time as Liam Neeson cuts through council red tape in aid to reach his bin before it is destroyed.

Lets face it ladies and gentle readers, when Liam Neeson hears about this pitch his agent will be in contact within seconds to confirm he's aboard. We can only hope this latest blog has ensured the future of the Taken series...

Who will be the next Suarez?

Followers of Liverpool Football Club and football in general can't have failed to have noticed that finally after trying to eat another footballer during the World Cup Luis Suarez has moved on from Liverpool to Barcelona. In this blog I look at the leading candidates to replace Suarez at Anfield:


Wilfried Bony

Pro's

1. Has had a very good past two seasons proving he can score in two European leagues.
2. Was very good last year whilst playing for Swansea in the Europe.
3. Has a style that fits into our system.

Con's

1. Lack of experience on the big stage.
2. Often used recently as a target man and possibly not what Liverpool are looking for.

Grimlock

Pro's

1. As leader of the Dinobots he is used to leading teams from the front.
2. Can turn into a dinosaur and eat Fat Sam Allardyce.

Con's

1. Would be unwilling to play in a team of "puny humans."
2. Limited understanding of tactics and has yet to fully comprehend the offside rule.

Alf

Pro's

1. Having lived on earth he qualifies to play for Earth based teams under Uefa rules.
2. His large nose would continue the tradition of large snouted players who have gone on to become club legends.

Con's

1. Eats cats and would be a bigger PR nightmare than Suarez.
2. At 3'7 would possibly become intimidated by the match day mascots.

Matt Smith

Pro's

1. Is available after a high profile TV exit from Doctor Who.
2. Looks good in a suit, which after the Spice Boy 90's era is a good thing.
3. Has actually played at professional level.

Con's

1. If heavily injured he is likely to regenerate into Peter Capaldi who is shit at football.
2. Limited understanding of football believing it to be "the one with the sticks."
3. Due to the nature of his previous job he would have to start in injury time and play backwards to the start of the game.

Douglas Haig

Pro's

1. Has experience of leading campaigns into Europe.
2. Has never lost to the Germans or needed penalties to beat them.
3. He's Scottish and we've not had a good Scottish player in a while.

Con's

1. Will not submit to backroom staff dental examinations unless monitored by the Royal Army Dental Corps.
2. Is dead.
3. Did you not read the above point.

Louise Mensch

Pro's

1. Has experience of looking impressive whilst others do all the work so should get a few tap ins.
2. Able to add to dressing room camaraderie with endless anecdotes about Michael Heseltine and Theresa May.

Con's

1. As a Tory she would be a hard sell to the Anfield crowd.
2. If things don't go well she is likely to form a smaller, less successful version of Liverpool FC.

There we have it ladies and gentle readers, picking your next star striker is a lot harder than it looks. With every positive there is a negative and with the above six candidates we've only scratched the surface of the epic search Brendan Rodgers has ahead of him. All I can do is wish Brendan good luck and good hunting.

The Big Finish Catch Up: July 2014

A whopping four stories this month as I squeezed in quite a few single disc stories:

The first story up is "Her Final Flight" the subscription freebie from 2004 featuring the 6th Doctor and Peri. A very good set up actually leaves us with a story that never really gets going, suddenly stops and unlike the previous subscription freebie (The Maltese Penguin) takes itself to seriously. It feels like a set up for a future story which until I get around to hearing that I don't think I'll be able to fully appreciate this one. As a result I have to rate it as grudgingly disappointing.

The Renaissance Man stars Tom Baker and Louise Jameson as the 4th Doctor and Leela. I can categorically say that Tom has found his Big Finish feet. As opposed to the previous story in the range where it felt like Tom was going through the motions it feels like Toms got back into the part and is having fun. The cast are good, the story is fun (although hearing the fourth Doctor in hour long stories is taking a bit of getting used to) and the plot throws us a few curve balls. This one is highly recommended.

Next up we're back in the Destiny of the Doctor range as we reach the Ninth Doctor era, featuring the line up of the 9th Doctor, Rose and Captain Jack the audio book is voiced by Nicholas Briggs. This is a very good audio book with a cracking plot that I wish could have made it to TV, Briggs does a cracking job on voicing the characters and in a range that when its been good has been excellent we have another high quality entry. Not just a curates egg (a rare audio ninth Doctor story) this is a highly recommended story.

We go next into the Lost Story range as I look to finish off the stories I've not heard yet in this range. The Children of Seth features the 5th Doctor, Nyssa, Tegan and is based on an original submission by Christopher Bailey (adapted by Marc Platt) best known for the Peter Davison era Mara stories. A high quality/calibre cast includes Honor Blackman and David Warner. I'll say this now I think I prefer this one to the authors two TV stories, its absolutely bonkers with large slices of religion and philosophy that hook the listener in and keep you glued to the story for the duration. Its also noticeable how much the regulars are enjoying things in fact in the extras Peter Davison mentions how much he enjoyed Baileys TV stories and that its good to have him back. This is by no means a fluffy story, it feels very much a story with an edge, in fact some surprising things happen to the regulars. There are many fine set pieces, noticeably the descent to level 14 and the 3rd cliffhanger. Just a minor niggle that one of the cast sounds similar to David Warner and I did get the characters mixed up on occasion. Recommended and also noteworthy as it feels a bit special.