Selling Yourself For the Pound

For those who aren't aware I recently left Swansea's Amazon branch for the fifth time (sadly this is not a record) and have been since looking for work. However all this has resulted in endless days of applications and a few phone interviews. Although proving the old adage you wait half an hour for a bus and then two come along at once I recently had my first two proper interviews within a few days of each other.

I was perusing the Directgov website for jobs one day and noticed that Save Britain Money had been advertising for jobs about a month earlier. For those unaware they are best known as BBC 3's The Call Centre.

Rather than apply through some old out of date adverts I thought I'd send them my CV and details directly by the web site. I've got a lot of experience in call centre environments and thought it would be a good place to get my career on track. Lo and behold after sending my CV I got a call ten minutes later from a chap called Stephen on behalf of SBM. After a quick chat I was invited to an interview at 13:30 the following Wednesday.

I always say if you've got a company which suits your background and skill set nearby send your details in and get yourself noticed. I have an extensive background in call centres ranging from front line, inbound, outbound, sales, customer service, training, floor walking and management. On top of that after looking at the web site I found they were branching into financial services which is where I've had my most successful period in my career and got my management experience.

After doing my research on the company I set out to Swansea, a 20 minute walk to the train station followed by a 20 minute train ride into Swansea Central and then a 45 minute walk to Swansea Enterprise Park in pouring rain saw me arrive a good 20 minutes early. I stepped through the door and was greeted by the sound of a massive crash, I turned to my left to see that Hayley the tea girl crashing her trolley trying to exit a lift.

I was shown in to the canteen by the security guard and spent half an hour chatting to staff and other people here for the interview. On chatting to some new starters I found the procedure was a quick one on one interview and then you'd be brought back for a group interview. After fifty minutes I was called into an office by Stephen who I'd spoken to on the phone. I politely listened when he told me about the company and various things I had already found out and a number of things I hadn't. I then told him about myself making sure to focus on my call centre experience, extensive sales background and experience in managing a sales force selling financial services. After five minutes the interview was over and Stephen said he would call me later to schedule a second interview. I made my way home, that evening while playing Mass Effect 2 Stephen called. Apparently they had "sold their available slots" and would contact me in six weeks when they had openings. Needless to say this was disappointing stuff, I had hoped that given my experience it would have been a case of "blimey this candidates good get them in ASAP" however I went to them and knew they weren't recruiting at the moment. As I type this its two weeks on and only four weeks until they start taking people on so its something in the bank if nothing turns up in the mean time.

The next day I had a text from Hays (a recruitment firm) asking me if I was interested in working for Virgin Media in customer service. This offer brought up conflicting emotions, long time readers will know that I'm transgender. A number of years ago I applied for a job at the Virgin Swansea site (when it was NTL), I applied for a job as a Com which is a managerial level job. I interviewed for the job, however on informing them I was trans all of a sudden instead of a Com I was offered a front line job on customer service. It was my second experience of HR and the recruitment industries transphobic attitude and I took the job with the agreement after three months I could re-interview for the Com job. Three months went by and the Com job interview never happened and I left.

After some thought I emailed them saying I was interested, theres no way Virgin could be as bad as NTL so I had little to lose. The following day I had a phone interview which I passed and my in person interview was scheduled for the next Monday at 10:00. However I woke up that morning to see that there had been an explosion at Didcot which had screwed up the Great Western train line. This resulted in me having to run from Swansea Central to Matrix Court. The interview was a one on one in which I had to give examples of certain situations and also put over my experience. I mentioned I'd worked on the site before and went into detail on my call centre experience. On finishing I was told I should hear back later that day, in reality it would be a week until I heard back and that was after I had to politely push them that it had been four days when I was meant to hear back later that day.

The following Monday I was called and told I didn't get the position due to "a lack of experience" which is complete bullshit. As said earlier I have a number of years experience in call centres ranging from front line work, inbound, outbound, sales, customer service, training, floor walking and management. It really knocked me for six, I had done enough to get the post and had the experience. I should be used to this by now as its something the trans community are used to,  ie not getting jobs we should walk in to. Sadly the last few years have resulted in me going in and out of Amazon on a temp basis. Hopefully the next application will have a happier outcome.

How do you solve a problem like Liverpool?

We're about two months into the season so I thought I'd put my thoughts about Liverpool onto the page. After the exit of Suarez who was by far our best player last season I was expecting a tricky season and its proving to be exactly that. As well as losing Suarez we've looked like we've lost our mojo, we're not playing with the same flair we were last season and are being overpowered by teams and players I wouldn't expect us to. I'm going to take a look at it position by position.

First of all the strikers, Daniel Sturridge is a cracking player who came to us with a point to prove and has proved it well resulting in a strike rate anyone would be proud of. However to me he's a six months a season player, we knew going in he wouldn't always be there and as expected he's got injured a few times. The best compliment I can pay a striker is that he's got us three points when it looks like we'd only get one. I think he's been a cracking player for us but he should be a third choice striker. Brilliant when he comes in and pushing two starters for a place but its squad weakness when a six months a player season is now first choice. I think Brendan should have looked at his fitness record and acted accordingly towards making signings. It has to be said I do rate him but he's only made over 30 appearances in a season twice.

Mario Balotelli, I won't beat around the bush, I want this move to work. However he's playing bloody awful at the moment and is not the player who got 14 league goals in an average AC Milan side last season. He isn't using his pace, his shots are weak and forget not doing what Suarez does well Mario isn't doing what he does well. Considering the effect he's currently having on our game I say stick him in the reserves until he's worked through whatever his problem is. In all honesty I'd rather have him as someone pushing two established strikers for a place and not a starter.

Ricky Lambert, I viewed him as a squad purchase for the cups and to bring on in the final fifteen minutes. A good pro in the lower leagues with two decent premiership seasons, however given form and fitness the question has to be asked why has he been bought if he isn't going to be used.

Fabio Borini, yes it looked like he was going and the club was happy but the fact is he refused to move and is here to fight for his place. I want to see the Borini of his loan spell to Roma where he looked like he could set the world alight. However that was two and a bit seasons ago and he's shown no sight of that form since. He showed he could do a job for Sunderland but hasn't shown anything in his cameos so far this season. I wanted him to work for us but it looks like it wont happen and he's now a fourth choice striker and looking like he will be moved on in January unless he breaks into the first team and does something.

In short the striker situation at the club is dire, ladies and gentle readers we have ourselves two 3rd choice strikers and two 4th choice strikers.The only short term solution imo is to play Lambert, he's the only one of our strikers not crocked or in bad form. Long term Origi will be arriving next season, I can't see Aspas coming back, I think Borini will be gone and its a case of getting Sturridge fit and Balotelli interested. That means bringing in at least one striker and if Balotelli doesn't work out two.

We move onto the midfield, which in this bloggers opinion is where the major strength of our squad is at the moment. We have pace, skill and a strong passing ethic however we do have certain weaknesses, we're lacking a proper "bully" player who can rough the opposition up, win the ball and break down attacks. In short when we're attacking we look fantastic but when the opposition have run at us this season we've looked like headless chickens. I have a pet theory as to why and will address this player by player.

Jordan Henderson is vastly underrated despite being vice captain and lynch pin of our midfield. He tracks back, goes forward, creates chances and is rarely not an influence on the game. However so far this season he hasn't reached the heights of last year but as the adage goes form is temporary. As an aside he's completely changed from the player who arrived and has shown himself unafraid to adapt to different systems.

Philippe Coutinho, the little magician! I can't believe its less than two years since he arrived. A gem of a find arriving in January 2013 he's fast become one of the first names on the team sheet. He can play in the front three and secondary three, he has an eye for a chance and pace to burn. He's also yet to find last seasons form however has had his moments.

Adam Lallana, has looked decent since arriving finding his feet after the move and an early injury but the jury's still out on weather he improves us or will be another body for the squad.

Raheem Stirling, bags of pace and a good old style winger to throw at the opposition and watch them panic. I think Stirlings improved this season already, he looks like he's spent time in the gym bulking up and isn't being thrown off the ball as easily as he used to. He gets a thumbs up from me.

Joe Allen, coming back into the starting team after an injury Allen has looked fine in his appearance so far. Adding to his game in the last year or so he's ventured into the the oppositions box more often and is a player who does the little things the casual observer doesn't notice.

Lucas, I'm aware that he's a cult favourite but I think its time for Lucas to move on. He's still only 27 and is capable of finding a spot elsewhere but in recent seasons he's become known for giving away daft free kicks and picking up dafter bookings. I don't think he's a viable option for defensive midfield and I think its time he left.

Emre Can I'm aware of from last season where he was brilliant for Leverksen. I expect him to play more and more in the defensive position as the season goes on, in particular against Madrid when he came on all of a sudden Madrid weren't getting the time and space they had previously.

Of the youngsters like Suso, Rossiter, Markovic and co I've liked what I've seen and despite knowing most are for the future would like to see more of them hopefully this season.

Steven Gerrard, right I'm going to say off the bat most people reading this aren't going to like what I say about Gerrard. Yes he's been a club talisman whose performances and goals have done wonders for us over the years. However there is a cardinal sin in football; getting old. I've cheered him, commiserated him and laughed with him as he's gone through the seasons with us. However the facts are that Gerrard is currently playing in defensive midfield because it was getting to stage where he was disrupting our attacks. When the opposition have the ball they run through our midfield - he wasn't able to always do much about it last year and he's doing even less this year. In particular Jordan Henderson spends a shocking amount of time covering for Gerrard when he's out of position - incidentally if you haven't noticed this you will now not be able to unsee it. We moved Gerrard back because he became a problem. He's become a problem again and we need to solve it, without Suarez we aren't going to be able to score enough goals this season to compensate for it.

In short we're good in midfield going forward but crap when the opposition has the ball. When Brendan joined us he had a decision with Gerrard, either get rid of him or manage the end of a club legends career. Brendan its time to start phasing Stevie out of the team, personally I'd say start rotating him with Can. This problem has been evident for a season and we need to fix it.

We move on to defence and if you think the above was brutal I'm pulling no punches here. Lets face it, we're talking about our weakness.

Glen Johnson is a major weakness, he is one of life's coasters. He'll put in a good performances then spend a few weeks living of it before he can be bothered putting in another. I'm relieved by our full back purchases this summer as hopefully they will push him for a place and then displace him. I say move him on and if he wants to sit his contract out force him out on loan as I don't want his attitude in the training ground.

Dejan Lovren, he's only just arrived after a good previous season but he looks nervous. He needs to stop running around like a headless chicken and run the defensive unit. Its worth noting that considering the amount of starts he's had it looks like Brendan views him as a mainstay of our starting team.

Martin Skrtel, I've said for years the man is a walking disaster zone. I've lost count of the amount of cock ups people are willing to overlook and I'm getting sick of it. He only seems to play well when he has someone forceful to order him around, he's a foot soldier not a general. One of my major criticisms of him was his fitness which he has improved in the last few seasons. But he just hasn't got a footballing brain, he gets himself out of position constantly and as I've said for years his set piece play is a joke. He needs moving on.

Jose Enrique, a decent pro, a good little player, by no means a certain starter and will be in and out depending on form. Due to his injury last year his arrival back in the squad feels like a new signing.

Sakho, a beast when fit but only 19 games last year along with being in and out when fit this season tells a story. Personally I think he's looked well with Lovren but he needs to stay fit as we don't need another "sick note" like Daniel Agger.

Moreno & Manquillo have impressed me and improved the squad, still early days but a good start is a good start. Kolo Toure is good cover for the central defenders, he had some high profile ricks last season but if he's played along someone who can play around his lack of pace there is a spot for him in the squad.

Brad Jones is too soft to be a realistic option as a goalie, if he moves like a spice-boy and acts like a spice-boy he's a spice-boy.

Simon Mignolet, lets not beat around the bush Pepe Reina was big boots to fill. I went into last season accepting Mignolet would have different strengths to Pepe and to get behind him. Hell saving a penalty in your first game is a cracking start. But after a season I've come to the conclusion he's not up to scratch, his distribution is awful, he lets in goals I expect him to say and the one thing I personally can never forgive from a keeper is timidness. He has the air of a librarian and reminds me of Sander Westerveld or Juventus era Edwin van der Sar. That third goal against Madrid being a case in point of what I'm talking about.

In short ship out Skrtel, Johnson, Mignolet and Jones. Get whoever built the 6 Billion Dollar Man to fix Sakho and replace accordingly.

This has very much been me in a bad mood being highly critical of the team who I'll be cheering on next time the whistle blows. Its worth noting that despite playing some ruddy awful stuff we're not doing to bad in the league and in with a shot of getting out of our European Cup group (I will never call it the Champions League) so imagine what we'll be doing when we start playing well.

I'll certainly raise a toast to that future...

Don't Believe the Hyper Market

Hello ladies and gentle readers, its time for another exclusive on the Innocuous Bystander. Earlier in the year I sent off a spec script to the BBC for a sitcom based in a Doncaster Cash and Carry starring Chuck D from Public Enemy, Jamie aka @jtlovell1979 off of twitter and Lisa Gifford best known for the Threesome web series. Sadly the project stalled in production and nothing came of it, however after heavy negotiations and the offer of a twix the BBC have given me permission to post on this blog an excerpt of the script. So without further ado I give you:

Don't Believe the Hyper Market

Starring:

Chuck D as himself

Lisa Gifford as Miss Kolmekesi

Jamie as himself

Jasper the dog as himself

Nancy the rabbit as herself

Fiona Bruce as Hot Woman from space

Dr Dre as himself

[Interior of hypermarket Jamie stood manning the check out and Chuck D is price labelling tins of spam]

Chuck: Yo Jamie its nearly the end of shift, you do doing anything this weekend?

Jamie: No plans how about you?

Chuck: I'm gonna drop da bomb!

Jamie: On second thoughts I might be heading out of town.

[In walks Miss Kilmekesi with a suitcase handcuffed to arm]

Kilmekessi: Boys I'm heading to the bank with the days takings, Chuck I want you to out to the loading bay and help with the delivery of Orioles.

Chuck: You got it boss, it'll take more than a truck load of Orioles to hold me back.

[Chuck exits]

 Kilmekessi: Now Jamie, one of our biggest customers Doctor Dre will be hear soon to collect his bulk order of wagon wheels. Whatever you do don't leave the checkout area.

Jamie: Don't worry Miss Kilmekessi I wont let you down.

Kilmekessi: Remember last week when you wandered off after finding that treasure map?

Jamie: That was a one off Miss Kilmekessi and on the bright side I did find that store of ice cream.

Kilmekessi: Jamie, just make sure you don't wander off. We need this business and if Doctor Dre doesn't get his wagon wheels we could have another East/West coast war at our branch.

Jamie: Yes, I remember the last time it kicked off between those rappers from Great Yarmouth and Aberystwyth.

Kilmekessi: Just remember, don't leave the till.

[Kilmekessi exits, leaving Jamie determined to man the till and not let her down]

[In runs Jasper the dog barking excitedly]

Jamie: Hello Jasper whats wrong?

Jasper: Woof.

Jamie: Whats that?

Jasper: Woof!

Jamie: Oh my, little Tinie has fallen down a well? This is an emergency I'd better make a phone call. [Pulls phone out of pocket and dials] Hello, Craid David? Tinie Temper has fallen down a well, can you cover his shift tomorrow? You can? Great! Panic averted Jasper you better head home now.

[Jasper leaves]

[Nancy the rabbit enters]

Nancy: Hi Jamie, do you have any frazzles?

Jamie: Third isle half way down on the left.

[Nancy hops down and hops back with a carton of frazzles]

Jamie: That's a lot of frazzles.

Nancy: I'm going to a "bring your own frazzles party" fancy knocking off early and joining me?

Jamie: Sorry I'm busy.

Nancy: But theres no one else hear...

Jamie: I know but I've got to hang about waiting for Doctor Dre to pick up his wagon wheels.

Nancy: Alright, stay if you must but lets not turn this into a reason to tweet passive aggressively about rabbits.

[Nancy exits]

Jamie: Damn, I've never been to a "bunny bring your own frazzles" party, the sacrifices I make for this job...

[In walks a woman wearing a 1970's style scifi costume]

Jamie: Hi can I interest you in our 2 for 1 offer on Britvic?

Hot Woman from space: Hello human I am looking for a male member of your species to take back to my home world and perform experiments of great pleasure on him.

Jamie: [To himself] This is getting ridiculous.

Hot Woman from space: Would you like to come back to my home planet human?

Jamie: I can't I've got to wait here for Doctor Dre to collect his wagon wheels or the whole of Doncaster could be devastated by a rapping war between Great Yarmouth and Aberystwyth. You'd best try and pick up one of the drunks in Berlins down the road...

[Hot Woman from space leaves]

[A few seconds go bye and back in runs Jasper barking hysterically]

Jamie: Whats that Jasper?

Jasper: Woof! Woof! Woof!

Jamie: Whats that? Some hooligans are vandalising my wheelie bin? I'll soon put a stop to that!

[Jamie and Jasper run out to rescue the wheelie bin leaving the Cash and Carry empty]

[A few seconds later in walks Doctor Dre, he looks around then turns to the camera]

Doctor Dre: Damn, looks like the forgot about Dre...

[Dre exits]

THE END

Amazing as it may seem readers some bureaucratic bod at the BBC decided "Don't Believe the Hyper Market" wasn't what the BBC were looking for. Sadly in this case the biggest loser of all is the Great British Television Viewer. It just goes to show how much greatness doesn't make it in front of the camera, hopefully my other projects such as Sherlock the Kitten, Rob Bob and Dog X-files (I want to retrieve) will have better luck.

TV Corner - Gotham

For those who don't know last night saw the debut of the much anticipated Gotham made its debut in the UK on Channel 5 last night.

Its very much "Batman: the early years" centering mainly on Batmans associate Jim Gordon this series looks to examine Gordons start as a cop in the city of Gotham as well as establishing how Batman got started as well as some members of his rogue gallery. There were a fair few sightings of Batman characters last night from the well known Jim Gordon. Catwoman and Penguin to the perhaps lesser known Harvey Bullock, Carmine Falcone and Renee Montoya which would no doubt have kept the fan girls and boys happy.

Starting off with a bang we actually got to see a version of the event which created Batman, the mugging and murder of his parents. Complete with the trademark shot of pearls hitting the floor this was an impressive start not only foreshadowing the eventual coming of the Bat but giving Jim Gordon and Harvey Bullock their first case as partners. Ben McKenzie plays Jim Gordon straight as the honest man in a city and police department that is corrupt but the stand out performance for me was Donal Logue as Harvey Bullock who puts in a scene stealing performance. He's clearly the Avon to Gordons Blake and has the makings of a highly quotable character. On the acting front Robin Lord Taylors performance as the Penguin also deserves a mention.

This was a potentially very tricky episode as it had so much to do, establish the story, introduce the characters and give us a story in the episode itself. Everything was handled brilliantly, from cameo appearances and deciding which characters would get screen time to giving us a good solid story to get things started. I like the fact the show started with putting across the mob and corrupt gangster style that is associated with early Gotham. Let the masks and capes come later, I really enjoyed the fact that despite the potential to focus on some super villains this opening episode felt grounded.

I seriously can't recommend this show enough, from the first ten minutes I was hooked and knew I'd be in for the duration. If you missed it try and look out for a repeat as Gotham looks like its going to become must see TV.

The Big Finish Catch Up: September 2014

Here's a round up of the Doctor Who audios I listened to during September 2014:

I finally finished off the 'Destiny of the Doctor' range with The Time Machine featuring the 11th Doctor read by Jenna Coleman. A very good timey wimey story and a good little audio book, the villains are very much like the villains from 'The Gallifrey Chronicles.' Very unusual for this range The Doctor is without a companion and we finally find out the reason for 11 popping up in the previous stories. Recommended but bear in mind its a finale to the range and its worth listening to a few of the previous stories before this one.

We get back into the monthly range with Scaredy Cat, featuring the 8th Doctor, Charley and C'rizz. When reviewing these audio's the basic question I have to ask is 'is it any good?' Sadly Scaredy Cat is a huge disappointment, I genuinely feel like nobody involved in the production of this story was bothered. The entire story felt like a plot outline not a script, guest characters felt only partly sketched out, ideas and scenes feel incomplete. I got to the end of the story and my reaction was 'is that it?' On checking the lights an hour and a bit had gone by, its worth remembering this is a double CD. Very much a disappointment and when I come to judge it against other releases I have to place it near the bottom. Also of note the plot line that looked to be being set up in Terror Firma with C'rizz is actually followed up on in a scene but I'm scratching for something positive to say. Also of note Arthur Bostrom who played Officer Crabtree in 'Allo 'Allo is in the guest cast.

Now this is more like it, we nip ahead in the monthly range as I got this in a recent Big Finish sale (subscribers get more). 'The Destroyer of Delights' is the second part in 'The Key 2 Time' trilogy I heard the first part having got it in a sale last year (I had no idea it was a trilogy hence the long wait to hear this one) and had been looking forward to this for some time. Featuring the 5th Doctor and Amy played by Peter Davison and Ciara Johnson it features David Troughton and Jason Watkins among the guest cast. One thing I love about Big Finish is when they decide to have some fun and this is an absolute fun romp, I fully expect I spent the entire audio with a smile on my face. The central plot is that one part of the key to time is so well hidden no one has been able to find it and as the characters move around the play with the various plans and schemes the central mystery of whereabouts of the key segment is handled brilliantly. This is the most fun I've had experiencing a Doctor Who story for the first time in ages, highly recommended as is the first part of the trilogy.